Ode to Dory

I want to start off by apologizing for this more somber blog entry, but I think there is a valuable lesson to be learned by sharing my experience. Yesterday, my son's pet fish (his first pet) Dory (yes he named her Dory from Nemo because she was blue) died and it was a sad and insightful day in our household. She had been with us for over two years and while my son did not interact and bond with her daily, he loved the idea of having a pet that he helped take care of and talk to now and again. She held a special place in his life, and he will never forget her. So as parents of a four year old, my husband and I wondered, do we tell him? Is it necessary to upset him? How will he react? Should we just buy another beta fish and replace her, he won't know the difference? But we decided the right choice for us was to tell him that she passed on and that we could do some special things to remember her and help us heal.

Well, my son is very compassionate and when we told him that Dory went to heaven he LOST it. He was balling on his Daddy's shoulder (with a face full of red velvet cupcake btw) and could barely talk about it, it was so sad to see him ache, yet so right. In that moment of his suffering, I thought we made the right decision to begin teaching him about life and appreciating what we have/who have right now. We had a flushing ceremomy where we each said something special about Dory and something we would miss, and then to help him cope further, my boys got a picture of a beta on the net and printed it out with a story that my son wrote to remember Dory (along with storytelling pictures he drew too) and how special she was to him--he displayed it with pride on our fridge. As a result of how we handled this experience, my son started to learn about grieving, how to express his feelings approriately and how important it is to pay attention to the gifts around you--and I think he really 'got it' and really absorbed as much as a four year old mind is capbable of. He was even in such 'mourning' that he didn't feel it was appropriate to go on a family walk last night 'because Dory is dead.'

So why am I sharing all this? I think on the surface I wanted to share a teaching moment that worked for me and might be helpful to others, but I also to share a more subtle insight about staying present with the people (or pets) in your life and appreciating them more fully. I continously go back to the familiar lifestyle of the modern multi-tasking mom whose cup runneth over and who is often caught up in all this clutter that she misses the beauty around her, she misses the people whose gifts and wisdom impact her life and sometimes she doesn't take a moment to appreciate until they are gone. In honor of Dory, why don't you take a moment to connect/reconnect with someone you haven't touched base with in a while and appreciate what they bring to your life before you miss this fleeting chance.


Until next time,
Romy
Goddess of the Sea and 'Seeing'